I'm going to level with you. I'm a flawed human like most (except Beyoncé and like, Michelle Obama). I have good days and bad days just like everyone else. It just so happens that today was one of the bad days.
The moment I woke up and didn't want to eat or get out of bed I knew it was going to be difficult. I find it hard not to push myself on this kind of a day, but I'm working on empathy for myself. I decided that I would eat whatever sounded good to me, since at least it was something. I ended up making myself pizza and having baked Camembert for dinner. I regret nothing, since I ate today. This might not seem like such a big thing for a lot of you, but just that little step felt like a leap.
I also got myself up and out of the dorm. Luckily I don't work Wednesdays, so I sat and finished Fire and Fury by Michael Wolff with a cup of rooibos tea before visiting some friends and getting licked by a dog on a porch swing. It was easier to set the dark clouds aside once I could feel the sunshine.
In this same mentality, I'm hoping to tackle something else. I think I've mentioned that I hope to do more on YouTube this summer, but probably not the big reason for that. I have a hard time listening to myself. Not my inner voice. Literally me, as in recordings of any kind make me extremely uncomfortable. My hope is that lots of exposure will make this seem like a really small thing. Of course, I'm also excited to experiment with a different sort of platform.
The next step is tackling the difference between what I see when I think of myself and what I see in the mirror. I'll tell you how that goes...
Here are some things that help me on days like today:
1) Reading a good book. (Preferably something with little to no grounding in my reality)
2) Contacting a friend. I have a group chat with my cousins, Colorado & Kansas, my ride or die friends, and Den, Mark, Finland, Switzerland, and Germany. Something as small as a heart emoticon or a silly picture reminds me that they care, or helps me remind them of the same thing.
3) Getting outside/ exercise. I love to exercise! Give me that lactic acid burning in my limbs! However, sometimes walking down the stairs and into some sunlight makes all the difference.
4) Talking to my mom. Self explanatory.
5) Stalking Chrissy Teigen on social media. Also self explanatory.
6) Spending time with animals. Their love is unconditional, especially if you have treats. Never underestimate the power of slobbery dog kisses in brightening a sorry day.
I try to keep things light and funny here for you guys, but I'm working on my own mental health right now. That means that sometimes putting on a smile is harder than other times. Just remember that this is a safe place and you're more than welcome to open up to me, a walnut on the interwebs if you feel the need.
Lots of love,
A Hundred Different Directions
Hello my lovely adventurers!
As a student it can be incredibly difficult to figure out who you want to be and where you want to go... Some of this is because you're trying not to put yourself into (even more) debt, but there is so much to do and see and learn outside the classroom that it feels like we should be taking notes out there too. All of that being said, I'm staying in Alaska this summer to work on campus and take an online class, so there are some personal projects I've decided to take on. Here goes nothing!
Call this Part I of the "Build Self- Esteem Summer," because I can't stand seeing myself on video. I never have. I feel like I sound like I'm operating with a perpetual stuffy nose, and my mannerisms make me cringe. I'm hoping to desensitize myself to video- me, and create some cool/ engaging content along the way. (Also, hopefully help me with a thicker skin)
A Health & Fitness Journey
Part II of the "BESS," since I have the time and the inclination. As Elle Woods of "Legally Blonde" said, "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands, they just don’t." I don't actually have a husband, but the point remains made. I have made a health plan for the summer, including meals and a work out schedule, so Hi Ho!
Kansas is getting married in Peru this summer. Although I have technically bought the ticket, I'm now in a lot of debt to myself/ the bank. I get paid once every two weeks, and obviously groceries cost about $100 every week. I have to manage to pay off this ticket, eat healthy food, afford gas, have enough to actually survive in Peru while I'm there, and I really want a Polaroid camera and a better video camera (especially for this whole YT thing). Basically I want to survive and maybe have some nice things without ruining my credit score or starving.
Those are my main personal projects for this summer. Lots of love and luck to everyone still working towards finals!!!!!
Everyday Acts of Activism